Sunday, April 5, 2009

Feeling separated

I really hate feeling separated from something that I chose to be a part of. This is one of my issues, I guess, from being a kid growing up in a crazy dysfunctional home, and never feeling like I belonged to anything that was positive. What kind of blows me away is that it never really leaves. There is always this little kid inside me, kind of standing to one side, observing everything that happens, and feeling bad about the stuff we can’t have.

The email announcing Fall registration for my kid’s daycare. We won’t be registering this year, because we won’t be here come Fall. Even though it is a move that I want, I hate leaving this group of women and children that we’ve been with and have been such an important part of M’s development. They’ve been supportive and kind and good to M and to me. They listen to my rantings and my stories and even though they probably think I’m a little nuts, they don’t say so. We know everyone and they know us.

I haven’t had that a lot in my life, and I don’t take it for granted. I want my daughter to feel accepted and part of the communities that she lives in. I hope I will be able to establish us in something similar when we move. It isn’t always easy for single moms or single women, for that matter. Some people view you as a threat (As if you are there to steal their men!) when all you really want is to have them know your name and be nice to you.

I’ve been told that I come off as very confident, but I am still just a girl, hoping that the other kids won’t hurt me, wanting to get through the day.

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