Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Someone pull this thorn out of my paw

Yesterday Buster was at M's school to wait for the final bell.  As I approached the pickup area, I observed him standing apart from the parents I had introduced him to, silent and by himself.  They are a great group of parents, and so after I made eye contact, I passed him by and went over to talk to them.  They asked me about my interview and we chatted about the current job market.  When M came out of her classroom, she was excited and happy, and it was a minute or so before she saw her dad.  He followed us back to my car, and she asked me again why he wasn't getting in with us.  "He's got his own car, honey.  He'll meet us at the house."
When we got back to the house, I had really had enough of him, so I encouraged her to take him up to her room and do the art project she'd planned for them.  I poured myself a scotch and sat down to watch a very good movie.  A half hour before it was over, they came trooping downstairs to demand we go to dinner.  *sigh*
She insisted on Red Lobster, and I couldn't see any reason finally not to give in.  She hadn't been there since we moved, and she knows this is a "special occasion" place.  What's more of a special occasion than daddy's last night in town?  Of course, he was not enthusiastic.
As soon as we sat down, I could tell we were in for a rough night.  He asked me if I was an alcoholic, he thinks that because M's jacket has stains on it that I am a bad mother, and he said that he thinks that her problems at school are because of me.
Nothing I say to him makes any difference.  He is stubborn, angry, defensive, and adamant, along with being completely clueless about children and child care, what is normal and what is not, and what it takes to be a parent.
I asked him why he is making trouble for me, as I have never kept M away from him or blocked his access to her at all, in fact have facilitated their relationship (such as it is) in every way I can.  He maintained that it is "his right" to do whatever he wants.  He didn't care that it doesn't make sense.  I asked him what he hopes to gain - and he didn't have an answer.
Throughout this conversation, M sat beside me looking visibly troubled.  At times she held up the menu to block him from my view.  She said that if I couldn't see him that I wouldn't be so upset.  Smart kid.
I never wanted to argue in front of her, but he made sure it happened.  I was crying before it was over, and my sweet, sensitive daughter put her hand on my back, gave him her best stern look, and said "She's right, you know!"
At some point, I simply abandoned trying to reason with him and concentrated on helping M with her crab legs.  He would only eat a tiny bowl of chowder and sit there glaring at me.  We ate our seafood dinner, I let her go ahead and order the chocolate cake, and I picked up the tab. (The only one that I did, by the way.)
We drove back to our townhouse, we got out and M said goodbye to her dad, and he drove away.  His flight out was this morning.
As we got ready for bed, I was exhausted and so was she.  She was pretty clear that he makes me unhappy.  She advised me "you should marry someone else!" And she recommended our dear friend S.  Since he has always been loving and kind to her, I applaud her taste and discernment.
She slept in my bed last night, and clung to me in her sleep.  This morning, she would only say that she was sad that Buster had left, and she feels like he left because he doesn't like her.  My poor sweet baby.   Reminding her that he was going to leave no matter what didn't help. 
I hope this doesn't stay with her too long.

I have a second interview for a job downtown this afternoon, so I need to shake it off, as well.  Sure could have used some sleep.


  1. Oh my goodness. The scumbag was just looking for a fight, wasn't he? He saved up all his petty little observations for your last meal together. If he's so concerned about M's welfare why did he have to make the meal so stressful and miserable for her?

    A-HOLE. I'm so, so sorry you both had to go through that. It makes me so sad and angry; I can tell from here what a great mom you are, and him showing up like he's Captain Goodparent makes my blood boil for you!

    Shake it off, indeed. You won't need to see him or think about him again for quite some time, I hope. Go get yourself a great job and make him eat his words!

    GOOD LUCK. and Hugs.

  2. Best of luck on the interview, we're all pulling for you.

    Logic can't be applied to illogical beings. Learned that with Lori's ex and his wife. And it was never above them to call Lori out in the presence of the girls. Thankfully, they've grown up (the girls) and learned on their own what makes their father and step-mother tick.

    And alcoholics don't drink scotch. They drink mouthwash and blackberry brandy.

  3. Are you freakin' kidding me!? What the friggin' frig!?

    I'm pretty sure you could have choked him to death with you plastic Red Lobster bib and not a court in the world would have blamed you for doing so.

    Good riddance! And despite her genetic obligation to love the guy, I have a feeling little Miss M already has this idiot's number. She knows the score. She's a smart kid.

    Let's hope it's at least another decade before you have to do that again.

  4. oh... and best of luck on the interview.

    (and now can we make an anonymous call to the TSA??? PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE?)

  5. First of all, I hope the interview goes well and I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

    Secondly, fuck what that asshat thinks of you! You are a great mom! I have a sneaking suspicion that he was feeling jealous and felt the need to make you feel as miserable as he was feeling at the time. What an asshat! Just be glad he isn't around for every other weekend visitation! ACK! And, yes, M will figure it out for herself and sooner than you will expect. I encourage my kids to love their dad because he is their dad, but I make no excuses for his behavior. They see his selfishness.

    I say let Mala's fingers do the walkin'! LOL Revenge can be sweet;)

  6. I'm (again) just beside myself...I've been in a real ass-kicking mood all week and I'm about to go find Buster and burn that mother down....

    You're awesome...we know it, M knows it, you know it...and Buster knows it. Onebad had it right- he just felt like the bad parent that he was and decided he'd level the playing field a little before he left.
    I have so many bad words flying thru my mind right now that I can't sort them...

    Goodluck on the interview- unless its passed and even then, sending warmest thoughts your way.


  7. Is that a beer in front of him? Well, clearly he's an alcoholic!

    What an ass! He just couldn't get through the final stretch without jerking it up, huh?

    Poor little M. :( Smart little kids we've got. I was really hoping Sam would be in double digits before he started figuring out the 411 on his dad, but no.

  8. Wait a minute! Is your ex Jared from Subway? I just looked at that picture again and.... I always knew that Jared was an asshole!

  9. p.s I forgot to say how much I love the fact that his eyes are closed in this photo...what a gigantic ass.