Thursday, February 11, 2010

A little Rant

Here’s the thing: It is not that I don’t understand about stuff like weather and other unforeseen circumstances. I do. It is that Buster (for that name suits him better than anything else) confronts life as if it were something he is entitled to. His Arrested Development is such that whenever he encounters a problem, he is like a windup toy that has hit an obstacle. He just stops. And then, like a kitten with a dead mouse, brings me the problem, and drops it, wet with spit, at my feet.

When we lived together, this was a major issue between us. It was enough to turn me into a screaming shrew, and the last thing I want to do is spend my time in pointless conflict. It is my breaking point. My one divorce all those years ago was mainly because I just couldn’t have the same fight over and over again. I can’t do it. I would rather go it alone, do all the work, and deal with whatever comes along, than beat my head against a rock forever. I have had plenty of time to contemplate the repercussions of this attitude. Believe me, I realize that I have signed up for a lot of the work and responsibility in my life, and I am not unaware of the irony.

However. It is not entirely crazy to wish that an almost 40 year old, college educated man could grasp the difficulties of challenges that are no harder than the day to day work of the average administrative assistant. He used to live in Colorado, for god’s sake, and he grew up on the East Coast. He should be well aware of the fact that there might be bad weather in February, and that bad weather is likely to cause travel problems. I know that the only reason he booked the flight is that he got the ticket for a very cheap price.

When I told her that his flight got cancelled, she burst into tears, and I felt terrible for her real and tangible anguish. I held her and tried to sooth her, but inside I knew that this won’t be the last time. When it was time for their regular Skype time, she didn’t want to talk to him. So I tried to call him in another room and let him know what was going on, but as soon as he heard that I was angry at him, he hung up like he usually does. So I sent him an email and hoped he would respond.

He didn’t respond to my email, instead, knowing that my daughter was upset, he called me on Skype to find out what I thought he should do. And instead of calling me and presenting solutions, he just called to dump this in my lap, without any idea what to do about it. She was standing right next to me, so of course, I tried to make him understand that he needed to figure this out for himself without using the tone, volume, and choice words that I really wanted to. After much grinding of teeth on my end, he finally ended up rescheduling his trip to next Thursday the 18th.

She has tomorrow and Monday off, which is why I agreed to this weekend originally. Next weekend, she will only have the regular two days. I am not going to take her out of school so that Buster can play Daddy. She has been having a hard time and our recent successes have been hard won, and I think keeping continuity is important. I suggested he wait until she had a break from school to reschedule, (kids DO get frequent breaks) but he protested – it would have meant sacrificing part of the cost of that Cheap Ticket! Gasp! And – with her standing right next to me – his whining won out and that’s where we are.

Leaving him in Fraser sounds better and better each day.


  1. Good god. That makes me both angry and sad. It's always the kids who suffer.

  2. Maybe M's having only two days with Buster instead of four will be a good thing.

  3. Ugh, I'm so sorry you have to put up with that shit.

  4. Cary: Me too. *sigh*

    Frank: But he's staying 5 days! :(

    Mala: Thanks...

  5. MtnMama...I wish I had the words for you- I know all too well what you mean. Here' what I have learned:
    *Hugging and commiserating is often all you can do.
    *Defending him only puts you on his side, and kids get that quickly- and they hate it.
    *Keeping your life consistent and predictable and dependable is the best thing you can do for your child.
    And when you want to scream bloody murder and choke the life out of some asshole that hurt your kid, remember that it doesn't matter if its their dad or not- that's how good moms feel.
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo- to infinity :)