Thursday, February 18, 2010

Not an Auspicious Beginning

It really choked me up this morning when M was busily making her bed, saying how she wanted it to be nice to show her daddy. She is a tidy kid, but she was putting a lot more effort into it this morning. My heart about broke, watching her climb over the bed to pull the covers even. We drove to her school and waited for the bell to ring. When the kids had filed into their classroom, I spoke to her teacher. I wanted to let her know that M’s dad was coming today for a visit and that he’d probably want a peak at her classroom at the end of the day.

Imagine my surprise when the teacher told me she was aware that he was coming, because he’d been emailing her! She wanted me to know this because his emails to her had felt “inappropriate” and had caused her to alert the principal for guidance and to involve her in the situation. Apparently, he was asking about spending the day in the classroom, and when she told him she felt that this would be too disruptive, that he “wasn’t happy with her.”

Feeling like the world had tipped a little off its axis; I drove home and left a message for the principal to call me. When she called me she related to me the rest of the story. He had called seeking access and had only emailed the teacher at the principal’s request. I told her that I was hoping to speak to him as soon as he arrived in Colorado and before he came to the school for any reason.

He returned my call when his flight was stopped in Chicago. His tone was pompous, condescending and arrogant, as usual. He really doesn’t understand why I would be upset to know that as a man who has no custody, no visitation, and the absolute minimum of communication with me is trying to gain access to my daughter through her school without my knowledge. In his words, he was merely trying to (by calling and emailing various staff at the school) to “acquire information.” In true Asperger’s form*, he took something I said a while ago and glommed onto it like it was the key to unlock everything he wants. To him, I am the Gatekeeper, nothing more or less, and since I had told him when his flight was cancelled before, that he should have let me know about the cancellation along with some information about what his options were, and he decided that this was what he needed to do in each successive situation in which he needed to talk to me, oblivious to the circumstances or ramifications of each individual event.

*He has never been diagnosed as such; I am just sharing my opinion.

So, while I was thinking about how much M would enjoy it if her dad could arrive in time for him to come to the school to pick her up with me, he was making phone calls and sending emails to people who had no idea who he was and had never heard his name before. And he couldn’t understand why this might be distressing to the people who are charged with the safety and well being of young children during the day.

It took most of the morning, but I managed to get everyone to agree that he could come to the school tomorrow to share lunchtime with M. His plane is supposed to arrive in Denver this afternoon. How I wish I could send a team of “Men In Black” suited guys to meet him as he comes off the plane, perhaps surrounding him quietly and saying “Please come with us.” A girl can dream. As it stands, I’m going to have to figure something out for this afternoon/evening, because M is quivering with anticipation about him coming and will be wanting to see him as soon as possible. FML.


  1. OMFG!!! First sentence of the second paragraph I swear to you my eyes bugged out of my head! WTH??? I don't have to tell you for the 90th time how alike our donors are, since mine did something quite similar to Sam's "teacher", but he upped it a notch and was verbally abusive to her.

    But what I WILL say is that I am SO, SO sorry! I can't imagine the anger you must have felt, not to mention the embarrassment! I want to cry for you.

    What he really needs is some men in white to take him to the looney bin. Seriously, who does that? Well, we know who.

    Oh, J, I'm going to start drinking extra early for you tonight. My ex should be here momentarily to pick Sam up, so I'm all good. Hang in there! And, seriously, I'll keep the computer on all evening in case you need to vent!


  2. Why did the school not call you to tell you he had contacted them?

    Oh, MtnMama, I hope things go well for you this week.

    Is it Tuesday, yet?

  3. Welllll, one little call to the TSA and he *could* be met at the gate by a bunch of men in suits... just sayin'.

    Ugh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with his crap!

    Just keep repeating to yourself, "It'll probably be another 5 years before you'll have to do this again."

  4. Ah...if only I knew more people in Denver. Somehow sending my 5'3", 100lb gay friend doesn't seem very menacing.

    That kind of shit should shut the school down cold. He doesn't need to know you're NOT moving to Alabama next month, right? I'm sure between us, we could come up with a viable address there.

  5. Wow, and I mean WOW. I am so sorry. Yeah, there are no words. Glad he's an EX.

  6. HOLY FRAKING SH!T, girl! Are you kidding me? Who the hell is this guy?!?!?!

    My heart breaks for sweet little M, so excited about seeing her daddy.... I would honestly want to wring his neck when I saw him!

    I know you will handle this with your usual grace and dignity - sending you hugs and "be strong" vibes! Can ya feel 'em?

    F'ing BUSTER!!!!!!!

  7. I just want to say.........things that no one should be subjected to reading.
    Hang in there...sometimes that's all you can do. Breathe and remember he'll be gone soon.
    I'm trying to stay all calm, but inside I'm thinking, kick the living shit out of this asshole and send his sorry ass packing back for the coast. Fuck him and the plane he rode in one...
    whoops. Looks like people WILL be subjected to it after all :)
    smooches mama- we're all drinking in your honor :)

  8. Shit. What a way to start his visit, huh? Just make sure that the principal and teacher have custody papers in hand and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that M is NOT allowed to leave that school with him! I've been down this road and it was totally disheartening how unconcerned the school was about the situation. That was in BFE TN, I'm sure CO is much more progressive.

    All of this is nothing that a few more days won't cure!