Friday, October 16, 2009

State of the Union Address

Wow – mention my job search, ur, um, sex life and I get more comments than ever! Sort of like in real life. I’m gratified that you are all so happy that I’m satisfied (ahem) but I thought I’d throw in a teensy bit of clarification.

As a single mom, I am now out in territory that can be pretty tricky. I have a fairly huge amount of concern about how what I do affects my daughter. As I’ve said before, I’ve learned primarily from watching others make mistakes, and then trying hard not to do the same. One kind of behavior that I’ve witnessed over the years is women who parade a stream of men through their lives, introducing each one as their boyfriend, and having their kid(s) meet and get used to each one, only to have that relationship end and the next one begin. It leaves the kids with a lot of confusion and abandonment issues. It can leave kids feeling like no one is worth getting attached to and there is no point in feeling invested in a relationship.
Since M’s dad is essentially out of the picture, and certainly out of the state, I don’t have any child-free nights to call my own. I traded sanity for a convenient babysitter, and don’t have any family nearby that I would leave my daughter with. We haven’t been here long enough for me to have established a babysitter in the neighborhood.
What’s a single mom to do? In my case, it means having “company” only after M is asleep in bed, and not having anyone be here when she wakes up. That is hard to do and not have it be a rather one-dimensional relationship, to say the least. Not many decent guys are willing to go along with that for very long. I got really lucky; I experienced the perfect storm of knowing someone that I am already friends with, that has his own kids that are the same age, and who likes me enough to be a fun, genuine person in the little time we have.

My daughter knows this guy, and plays with his kids when we all get together with our other friends, but she doesn’t have a clue that he and I have been seeing each other. To her, this guy is just one of the other Dads at the Bronco games. I like it that way.

I don’t have any idea whether this delightful interlude will go on for a while. I hope so, but I am realistic. My imagination might be all over the place, but my feet are on the ground. If this ends tomorrow, I will miss him, but life as we know it here at Casa Mountain Home will go on as usual.
It’s the way it is.


  1. I think what you're doing is the right thing, and I've dated women with kids who did the same.

    One woman, B, had three kids, and didn't want their father to know she was dating (for whatever reason), so I didn't get to meet them early on. I did go over there one night, after they were in bed, to help her wrap their Christmas gifts, and she wanted me to stay longer for some "My Poutine." I told her that as much as I wanted to, I didn't want my first meeting with her kids to be in her bedroom. She didn't like that in the least, but soon got over it.

    I did finally get to meet her kids, and they were great.

    It's good that M knows and likes your lucky friend..

  2. Absolutely you are doing the right thing! It's great that your man has kids and that you can all hang out. I briefly dated two guys (at different times) during my "world's longest divorce" and neither had kids, and neither ever laid eyes on Sam. With my hubby it was different, and I know this sounds corny but I knew from day one I was going to marry him. And I was right, so there!

    And we're all just happy for you gettin' some. Hell, I rejoice for anybody that gets laid. Which is on my to "do" list for this evening. Dave's stupid work schedule is really getting on my nerves!

    Have a lovely weekend! BCBC!

  3. hmmmm- where to begin. Without wiring a book I want to say you're doing exactly the right thing...exactly.
    Its not easy, but its always better for the kids in the long run.
    Just like when you know you've found the right one- you'll knw the right time to introduce them :)

  4. I think you are one of the most level-headed ladies I know, and as usual, I think you're doing right by your kid. Enjoy your new relationship, my dear. You've earned it. He'd better treat you right or I'll come out there to CO and kick his tush myself. Oh, I'll do it. Don't test me. ;)

  5. I agree with all of the above. You're an awesome Mama! And the Right One will do what needs to be done for the sake of your child, and happily so.