Monday, January 5, 2009

New Year and Following the Dream

This year is going to be full. Full of change, full of movement, full of milestones. I have waited for it, yearned for it, and planned for it, and yet there is a lot of anxiety, too. I push away the fear with resolve. It creeps back. *sigh*

Right now, in this first Monday of the new year, I am pushing back at the boredom of my job, the grey, damp weather, and my desire to procrastinate an assignment for school. Watching the clock, feeling fat and achy, thinking about moving and money and M. Missing Colorado.

This was my house in Colorado. Sometimes my throat closes up and I can't breathe, I miss it so.
I've made so many mistakes in my life that have taken enormous work to make right... this house was my safe haven.

All that is gone, but I have my daughter. As they said in "Dances with Wolves," it was a "good trade," but it still aches in my heart.

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