The Goodbyes have begun

Maybe it’s because I’ve had to construct my emotional family out of friends. Maybe it’s because I have experienced so many deaths, changes, moves, and loss. Maybe it’s because I am kind of difficult to love and so the people who do love me and even just the ones who are genuinely nice to me and thoughtful are particularly precious.
Whatever the cause, I wasn’t prepared for today. The Goodbyes have begun.

I had my teeth cleaned and checked this morning with my dentist whom I coincidently have known for almost thirty years. We first met when I was interning as a dental assistant in school. She was a vibrant, outgoing, and pretty young dentist with her own practice. She treated her staff well and it was a fun place to work. They were nice to me during my internship and she was a good reference for years. I ended up leaving the Bay Area in 1985, but my parents still knew her and I would hear things from time to time.

When I moved here, and got this job, I found out that not only was she now in this area (quite a distance from where we’d started) but that she was also working part time at the same place I was! (In a different department and employed by a different group)
That was so fun – to catch up and see each other in the lobby and have lunch once in a while. She’s a single parent these days and her son is about to go to Sac State, so she listened with compassion to my stories of M and always has good advice. Having her be here after so many years was such a nice little gift. One of the things that has made being here easier, and the sense of continuity was comforting.

I realized this morning that I won’t be going to her office again. And since she was caught in the massive layoffs that her department just had, I won’t see her here anymore either. We talked about that today and I’m sure that we’ll stay in touch, but it was sad.

There are several people here who have reached out and been wonderful friends to me. These past years, I’ve been so busy and live so far away from work and daycare that it has been a struggle to connect with anything or any one. Yet, there have been those who have been warm beacons of light in my foggy world. I know that they have made a huge difference in what has otherwise been so difficult. It is really hard to say goodbye.

As eager and impatient as I am to flee this place, I will miss my friends.