Saturday, July 31, 2010

A Year

It has now been a year that we've been back in Colorado.  It's been a very full year, and a lot has happened.  I have to say, I think most of the changes have been very positive.  I thought I'd share this little "first impression" bit I captured when we'd just arrived and I didn't have Internet (or furniture):

"We arrived the evening our little street was having a block party, complete with cones blocking access to our townhouse and a street filled with small people and their bicycles milling about, unheeding a slowly inching vehicle trying desperately to avoid running them over. We had been given a casual invitation to join them, but as I was dead tired, sweaty, and frazzled, and I knew M was, too, so we stayed inside.

I unpacked the car and surveyed the new place. My first impression was that it was smaller than what I had imagined it to be, and so I was mentally re-arranging my furnishings as I walked through our empty townhouse. The lingering smell of fresh paint and the marks of the carpet cleaner supplemented the appearance of the immaculately clean rooms and pristine cream and beige color scheme. I have never lived in such a new building. The style is refined but not fussy, and I know that my few pieces will look well in this space. I love the mantle. The kitchen is much smaller than I am used to, and I see that I will need a baker’s rack or something like that to supplement the counter space. I am amused by the abundant closets and lack of room in other things.

The neighborhood is lovely and quiet and safe. The greenbelt and walking/biking trails nearby are gorgeous. There are so many trees, and I can see the mountains, and the air is fresh and smells good.

I had to go to four stores to find a shower curtain and a fifth to get the rings that I somehow forgot. I am so reliant on Googling everything that trying to navigate without it, or depend on my memory, is pathetic. I finally found the stores I was looking for and bought the supplies I needed, but I felt inefficient and a little vulnerable doing it.

My moving truck has still not arrived, and being without chairs is the most uncomfortable thing of all, followed by a lack of kitchen items. I do not want to buy duplicates of things I already own, and am determined to get along without as long as I can. Fortunately, the complex has a business office with Internet access, a laundry, and the stores are close by. I really want my stuff. "

In the year that we've been here, I spent the money I'd saved, and am now in the process of building it back up.  Now that I'm debt free, and our expenses are pretty fixed, that shouldn't take too long.  Although I've been looking at Real Estate porn lately, I know I can't realistically consider buying anything until I've saved a big chunk of money for a down payment, and these days I can think of lots of other things I'd like to do with my money.

I've got a good job.  I've been there 90 days now, and I just received some great feedback from my boss on a project I'm working on.  The guy that was causing me trouble succeeded in pissing off the project manager and the business owner of said project, and so the balance has shifted and he's no longer my problem.  That's the best outcome I could have hoped for.  I have found a person to be my mentor, and when I asked her if she'd be interested, she gave me an enthusiastic yes.  So now I have to figure out how to go about that process.  I am hoping I can find a good book to guide me.

My daughter has been going to a school district run summer program and has been active in lots of activities and field trips.  It's been a positive experience for her to get to do so many varied things and get out in the community going places.  School starts back up in three weeks and she'll begin First Grade.  As great as the summer program has been for her, it is in the opposite direction from my work, which means an extra half hour of driving each way that I'll happily give up once school starts and I'm back to dropping her off at her school.

Buster has informed me via one of his incredibly short emails yesterday, that he did not find work in Colorado.  This doesn't come as a big surprise, considering how the economic climate here has effected teaching jobs.  What kills me is how oblivious he is to how this makes M feel.  He continues to speak to her about things without talking to me first.  I don't know how he expects her to have an adult's understanding of how things work when he hasn't a clue himself.  He somehow found a position in West Palm Beach, Florida, "teaching computers in a high school."  Those poor kids.  He also told her that he'd love to have us visit them in Cape Cod next summer.  Through the haze of my anger, I simply said it is too early to make plans for a year from now.  He still has to get himself down to Florida, find a place to live, and get himself through a school year of teaching teenagers.  Somehow I think that he will find this a challenge.

For a little while recently I was in a kind of funk, and I finally realized that it was a result of having been so goal-oriented and worried and busy for so long, and then having my plans fall into place.  I was reeling with "what now?" and the disorientation of suddenly stepping off a long, crazy ride.   I discovered that now I have to focus on living in the moment, enjoy things as they are, and let the "next thing" reveal itself in its own time. 


  1. It sounds to me like you have come through a lot and accomplished a great deal in that year's time. I hope that good fortune continues for you in the next year. I'm sure it wasn't easy to do all that you've done. You should be proud of your achievements. Take a deep breath and relax a little. Things are going well for you. :D

  2. You have truly come so far in a year, my dear friend. In the time I've known you I've seen you pack up and move your whole life/family and make a brand new start in CO. I admit that I worried over you last December, but you managed to make it all work - and now, look at you! I'm so impressed that you now have a good job, your daughter is secure and thriving, and you are happy and safe in your townhouse. You are my hero!!

    I laughed at "real estate porn." I think we all do that, but the fact of the matter is that you made it all work and happen within your means, and I am - as always - impressed by/proud of you.

    Let Buster get his job in FL. Maybe you will go visit there, maybe not. IMO he should be coming to see M and not asking her to come to him. The important thing is that M sees her mother making a life for the two of you and keeping her safe and happy. She will learn what it is to be a mature and nurturing person from you.

    Well done!!

  3. It's been a heckuva year, good for you!

    Is M looking forward to First Grade? I'll bet she is.

  4. What Frank said.

    Florida, eh? Seriously, what the hell is it with Florida? It's like a gigantic light bulb on the porch of Loser-ville.

    ...ummm, and if you're reading this, and you live in FL... I don't mean you.

    But for real, it just seems to be the mecca for people who just can't get their shit together. Might as well just move to FL. That's why it's fertile ground for shows like Cops.

    And add me to the list of those who are impressed and proud of you!

  5. "Daisy": Thanks! ;) I am going to try to relax. Is that like planning to be spontaneous?

    Bev: Oh, thank you! (I was worried last winter, too! It was a scary time!) I'll take her to the Cape - IF they send tickets AND I get to see you!

    Frank: She's very excited to be a First Grader! She's a Big Girl now.

    Mala: Yes, what IS it about Florida?! Laughing at "gigantic light bulb on the porch of Loser-ville" - may have to steal that. We are NOT going there. NOTHING about Florida sounds attractive to me... and now? Pffft.

  6. "Those poor kids." LMAO!!

    Seems like you've had a great year. You guys have been through a lot of changes and come through them all intact and happy. That's huge. Congrats. I'm glad you and M have each other.