Not an Auspicious Beginning

It really choked me up this morning when M was busily making her bed, saying how she wanted it to be nice to show her daddy. She is a tidy kid, but she was putting a lot more effort into it this morning. My heart about broke, watching her climb over the bed to pull the covers even. We drove to her school and waited for the bell to ring. When the kids had filed into their classroom, I spoke to her teacher. I wanted to let her know that M’s dad was coming today for a visit and that he’d probably want a peak at her classroom at the end of the day.


Imagine my surprise when the teacher told me she was aware that he was coming, because he’d been emailing her! She wanted me to know this because his emails to her had felt “inappropriate” and had caused her to alert the principal for guidance and to involve her in the situation. Apparently, he was asking about spending the day in the classroom, and when she told him she felt that this would be too disruptive, that he “wasn’t happy with her.”

Feeling like the world had tipped a little off its axis; I drove home and left a message for the principal to call me. When she called me she related to me the rest of the story. He had called seeking access and had only emailed the teacher at the principal’s request. I told her that I was hoping to speak to him as soon as he arrived in Colorado and before he came to the school for any reason.

He returned my call when his flight was stopped in Chicago. His tone was pompous, condescending and arrogant, as usual. He really doesn’t understand why I would be upset to know that as a man who has no custody, no visitation, and the absolute minimum of communication with me is trying to gain access to my daughter through her school without my knowledge. In his words, he was merely trying to (by calling and emailing various staff at the school) to “acquire information.” In true Asperger’s form*, he took something I said a while ago and glommed onto it like it was the key to unlock everything he wants. To him, I am the Gatekeeper, nothing more or less, and since I had told him when his flight was cancelled before, that he should have let me know about the cancellation along with some information about what his options were, and he decided that this was what he needed to do in each successive situation in which he needed to talk to me, oblivious to the circumstances or ramifications of each individual event.

*He has never been diagnosed as such; I am just sharing my opinion.

So, while I was thinking about how much M would enjoy it if her dad could arrive in time for him to come to the school to pick her up with me, he was making phone calls and sending emails to people who had no idea who he was and had never heard his name before. And he couldn’t understand why this might be distressing to the people who are charged with the safety and well being of young children during the day.

It took most of the morning, but I managed to get everyone to agree that he could come to the school tomorrow to share lunchtime with M. His plane is supposed to arrive in Denver this afternoon. How I wish I could send a team of “Men In Black” suited guys to meet him as he comes off the plane, perhaps surrounding him quietly and saying “Please come with us.” A girl can dream. As it stands, I’m going to have to figure something out for this afternoon/evening, because M is quivering with anticipation about him coming and will be wanting to see him as soon as possible. FML.